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Amy

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Did you miss me? [Oct. 18th, 2005|04:27 am]
[mood | okay]
[music |The All American Rejects]

DAMN ITS BEEN A WHILE SENCE IVE UBDATED!!! well I finally got enough guts to move out of the house. ive been gone like a week now it feels so weird and differnt. I live at my friend nikki and matts house now. she came to rescue me when all the crazyness was going on at my house, they always kicked me out so I finally left. the only problems that ive been haveing is that I bought this piece of shit car a couple months ago. and that set me back like 10years I went dead broke I still am and the day I bought the car I was driveing it home from buying it a cop pulls me over right next to my house. look at my damn luck he finds weed under the seat so now im stuck with a position charge that I still have to go to court for and pay my lawyer wgich I really dont have the time or the money for so yeah you can imagine how upset I was about that. im sp pissed about it and it makes me so sick that I dont think I wanna talk about it anymore. but now im here at my friends house my new home I guess. I kinda miss my bed my body hurts from sleeping on the coach. I crash in the basement here they got it all tv,radio,playstation2,computer, and now a bunch of my dvds! so yeah im set for now im looking for a job around here I need to start makeing some money. I have a jon interview at mcdonalds out of all places but thats ok it was my first job and im pretty much starting over here. my mom says I can only go back home if I check myself into rehab which is not gonna happen cause im just a pot head! and im not checking myself in just cause I smoke weed every now and then. so yeah I guess im never going back home! I hate to admit although she has hurt me but she has also tryed to help me many times. what im trying to say is I think I miss my mommy:-( it finally started to hit oh well you cant be mommys little girl forever right! im 20years old time to be independent I say and move on and forget all the bad that has happend at my house but its hard. I feel like before I moved out I was starting to do better I started seeing thearpy and that was helping alot but thats over now and I was starting to see my other doc more and that was also helping cause he told me to start takeing meds which im not takeing now cause I dont see the point I was doing just fine damnit I saw an improvement I liked my thearpist I felt like she helped me out alot now I feel weird with out my thearpy. I cant belive it was actually helping now im starting to make myself upset. so I think im gonna go now but I will start updateing more every chance I get. I dont have my lil bro yelling at me over here to not use his computer! which I have to admit its a nice feeling OMG and I feel so much better that my dad is not over my shoulder no more what a relief it feels so nice not to see him 24/7 all the time:-) ok wish me luck everyone and pray for me cause I need it I dont want anything bad to happen to me anymore so I hope things work out here for me.
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new job [May. 20th, 2005|05:01 am]
[mood | bored]
[music |Snow Patrol "grazed knees"]

Hello everyone how you all doing?! ive been doing alot better lately I got a new job waitressing and im makeing lots of money$$$ which always seems to make me happy:-) I make like 70 dolllars a day in tips! its very hard work though before I use to waitress I thought it was an easy job. but now I know im wrong for all of you waitresses out there im sorry I know that job is a back breaker and its exchausting. the people I work with are really cool I made a few new friends which is good. I stopped hanging out with the wrong crowd and im trying to hangout with the right people these days. no more drugs and drinking for me for a while I need to get my shit together. and the people I use to hangout with made me do alot of the stupid shit I use to do. well I shouldnt say they made me but they had alot to do with it. so yeah from now on its just work and more work ive been saveing my money I havent been going crazy speanding it just cause I have money. so im gonna put it in the bank and hopefully I have enough money to buy a car:-) the only thing thats on my mind and thats bothering me right now is my trial date thing. I really hope nothing bad happens to me that day I would get so sad:-( its like when everything is going right in your life something just has to fuck things up for you thats how its always been. anyways yeah im preying that things go smoothly prey for me people! my dad is sick hes going into surgery tomorrow or I should say today. me and him have had a bad past and I feel like hes the cause of my deppretion but I still hope the best and nothing bad happens. we just found out he has cancer:-( I dont know what to feel about it I was mostly in shock. my mom is devestated about the whole thing. and so is are whole family I have a feeling things will go well I wish this for no one not even my worst enemy. its my day off tomorrow I think im going to go see the new star wars movie I really wanna see it. if anyone saw it dont give anything away k! I hope things keep going the way they are I dont think I can go threw anymore shit. my heart cant take it much more I do feel like im still deppresed at times. but its only cause I keep thinking of the past which I have to stop doing I cant keep liveing in the past. life is to short to be pissed off all the time.

We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by doing a deed; (2) by experiencing a value; and (3) by suffering.
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(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2005|01:14 pm]
[mood | busy]
[music |coldplay]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM KIRK!:-) I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH HAVE AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY HUN<333

P.S. NOW YOUR OLD ENOUGH TO GO TO CANADA I'AM SO TAKEING YOU TO DANNYS AND BUYING YOU A LAP DANCE OR TWO;-) LOL  

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COMING SOON FRIEND'S ONLY!!! [Dec. 7th, 2004|03:00 pm]
[mood | tired]
[music |silence]

MY JOURNAL WILL SOON BE FRIEND'S ONLY

CAUSE I DONT WANT ANY FAKE FRIEND'S READING MY JOURNAL ANYMORE.

SO IF YOU ARE A TRUE AND GOOD FRIEND AND NOT A FAKE FRIEND CAUSE THERES NOTHING I HATE MORE THAN FAKE FRIEND'S LEAVE ME A COMMENT WHY I SHOULD ADD YOU AND I WILL BE MORE THAN GLAD TO DO SO.

THATS RIGHT IM MAKING YOU WORK FOR THIS BUT IF WE ARE FRIEND YOU SHOULDNT MIND RIGHT :-)

ALRIGHT IM OUT I LOVE YOU ALL<3 BUT DO YOU LOVE ME?

COMMENT TO BE ADDED...

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I LOVE CANADA...AND MY BUDDY LORI FOR TAKING ME THERE:-) [Dec. 2nd, 2004|03:33 am]
[mood | drunk]
[music |the music playing in my head!!!]

Tonight was awesom I had a great time me and Lori hungout she came to my house played with my computer cause she like never used one!!! randomly imed people with smileys and while she was doing that she was laughing everytime she saw a smiley!! she was like those smileys say it all there so cute!! I was all like uh huh well you enjoy that k:-)she read everyones journals but just the people that me and her know. then we went to her house I played with her kittys ozzy and harley. and ozzy clawed the fuck out of me!! watched the best of tracy morgan that was funny. haha brian fellow!!! and now for the best part. we went to canada. just came back like an hour ago. it was sooooo much fun there I seriously did not want leave!!! ummm I had a little toomuch to drink and so did she. im suprized we are still alive cause she drove home drunk. but before the whole drive home. we went to like 5differnt bars and I was way to drunk and I was asking everyone at the one bar we went to if they wanted to dance.I was seriously such a whore today day!!! some lady was like back off bitch get the fuck off my man hoe!!! I asked some girls also but they all clamed to be straight!!! and one guy did dance with me!!! actually 3 did! it was very very very fucken funny I was at the dance floor and lori was at the bar laughing her ass off watching me!!! and she also took a few pictures of me. the manager that worked there took away my beer. she was all like the boss told me to take away your beer. cause they think you had enough. so that bitch took it away and lori was like amy you idiot. so we went to another bar. I drank a bunch of water and threw up alot. lori was like this is the first time im gonna tell you to throw up!!! but your gonna half to. she was right. the whole night we kept taking turns buying eachother rounds of drinks!!! I think we bought 20rounds of drinks. damn thats alot!! we played video games. and a game of pool she won that game but she got lucky. and I kept calling the bartender a sexy bar tender!!! I was like hey sexy bar tender another round!!! I took a picture with him and gave him a hug on my way out. the only thing that realy realy fucken sucked is that lori wanted to go to the casino. and then when we got there my fucken ID expired and they wouldnt let me in cause of that. I felt soooooo bad abouth that. cause lori just went there to gamble I cant belive they didnt let me in just cause of that. it didnt even expire that long ago. oh well we had an awesom time anyway. then we decided to call it a night. we went to coneys before we went home ate like million calories of food!! but I didnt even care. 2guys there came and sat with us but they were very nice guys. I made them laugh for whatever stupid thing I said and lori was like just ignore her shes from another planet!!! lets just say that alot went down tonight but im just to tired and way too drunk to write anything else. but it was all around one of the best nights ive had in a while. thanks lori for one of the best nights of my life in a longtime<3 theres a smiley just for you:-) ok thats that and I think im gonna go passout now later<3
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YEAH I STOLE THIS YOU CAN STEAL IT TO BUT YOUR GONNA HAVE TO DO IT FIRST:-) [Nov. 28th, 2004|06:04 am]
[mood | naughty]
[music |3doors down. here without you]

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain and it.
7. Describe me in 1 word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this in your lj and see what I say about you?
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING [Nov. 26th, 2004|06:05 pm]
[mood | full]
[music |straylight run album]

Well I just ate thanksgiving dinner it was very good the best meal ive had in a while. thanks mom you did a good job as always. andy my brother ate alot hes a monster!! I thought that I could beat him this year but I guess I was wrong. but I ate alot I think im about to pass out on my lazy boy and watch movies. I dont think I left any room for desert. wait what the hell am I talking about theres always room for dessert. mmmm pumkin pie!!! anyways as korny as it may sound I actually said some things that iam thankfull for. I will tell you some of them. first off im thankful for recovering from my eating disorder. I still cant belive I recovered that is soooo cool. I beat the disease yaaaaa. I guess im a strong girl and iam a fighter. cause I was in pretty bad shape. im thankful to be alive cause I almost died so many times but I didnt for some reason. I guess it was not my time yet. im thankful for my friends even though they have been pretty shitty lately I still love you all. cause without all of you I could not have recovered. it is your help love and support that made me get better. iam thankfull for everything that has happend to me good or bad. my life experiences made me the person iam today. and im glad to be that person today. ok time for some pupkin pie that my mom just brought me.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE:-)
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HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE!!!!!! [Nov. 26th, 2004|06:07 am]
[mood | bored]
[music |NSYNC "sailing" I like that song alright dont be hatein!!]

(1) Your gender: girl
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: dont know
(3) Single?: yes unfortunatly
(4) Want to be?: NO
(5) Your birth day: May 8 1985
(6) Age you act: I act like a kid I guess I will always be a child at heart<3
(7) Age you wish you were: I wish I was thirteen again there are alot of thinfs I would have done differntly.
(8) Your height: 5'6 and a half had to fight for that half!!!
(9) The color of your eyes: brown
(10) Happy with it?: yes
(11) The color of your hair: Brownish black color
(12) Happy with it?: I guess yes and no I like to experiment with my hair try new things yanno
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right
(14) Your living arrangement?: with my parents and I hate it
(27) Your family: mom, dad,brother,sister im the oldest
(29) What's your job: asst maneger at papa romanos
(30) Piercings: 4 on my right ear and 2 on my left but I want more
(31) Tattoos?: none but I want some
(32) Obsessions?: movies,going online,dounuts,timhortons iced caps,internet,shopping,and sadly work has become an obsession.
(35) Do you speak another language? I can speak arabic
(36) Have a favorite quote?:What is a friend? I will tell you it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself. who knows us, but loves us anyway. "Don't cry because its
over, smile because it happend"
(37) Do you have a webpage?: just my livejournal, and myspace

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: yes I do and the moment sucks
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: no I dont and im mad enough to admit that or I should say woman enough!!
(40) Do you have any secrets?: who doesnt?
(41) Do you hate yourself?: yes at times I realy do
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: nope
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: being overly sensitive not being able to let go and give things time and I kida crack every bone in my body
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: that I have a good heart and iam a good person with an awesom sence of humor.
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: the over sensitive overly dramatic, girl whos done far too much.
(46) What's your biggest fear?: losing people i love
(47) Can you sing: no
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: nope.
(49) Are you a loner?: sometimes I like to be alone
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: hell yeah im an awesom friend
(52) Are you a daredevil?: OH YEAH
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: I hate hurting people I care most about over and over and I hate making mistakes.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: can be both
(55) Have you got a ?: uh..vagina?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? people I love
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: it would be for me to stop being such a fuck up all the time.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: love
(59) How do you vent?: I used to hurt myself but I stoped now I just write or talk to someone. ok and I break things sometimes!!! and yell and shit like that I have a bad temper
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: not at all
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: oh man dont even get me started with that. let just say that myregrets are forever there is alot I regret
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: no it has not but I have had my goodtimes and I charish those times forever in my heart.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: be careful who you trust, and think before you act on something think before you do anything
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: hmmm dont know
(65) And least?: my stomach and my hips and thighs
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: I think iam decent looking
(67) Are you confident?: sometimes
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: good question.. If you know please answer
69) Do people know how you feel?: no and I realy wish they did
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: yes iam

DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: yes
(72) Do drugs?: never ever
(73) Read the newspaper?: not really
(74) Pray?: ive lost faith :-( but in my heart I do still prey cause I will never lose hope.
(75) Go to church? nope
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: sometimes
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes
(78) Take walks in the rain?: Thats so hot.. Expecially if its with someone you love
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: yes
(80) Drive?: yes
(81) Like to drive fast?: yup I sure do

HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: nope
(83) Hurt yourself?: yes
(84) Been out of the country?: yea
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: not that I know of
(86) Burped?: yeah
(87) Been unfaithful?: possibly
(88) Been in love?: yes
(89) Done drugs?: nope
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: nope
(92) Had a surgery?: nope
(93) Ran away from home?: yes
(94) Played strip poker: yes and i suck at it
(95) Gotten beaten up?: no
(97) Been picked on?: yea
(98) Been on stage?: yep
(99) deleted cause it was really retarted
(100) Slept outdoors?: yes
(101) Thought about suicide?: yes
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yes almost everynight
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 3 maybe 4 days
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: yes a few times
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yes
(107) Slept all day?: yep
(108) Killed someone?: haha..no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: kinda heh it was intresting
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: nope
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: haha yes all the time
(112) Kissed the same sex?: yup
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: kinda
(114) Been betrayed?: yes..ugh and its a shitty felling.
(115) Had a dream that came true?: yea its creepy
(116) Broken the law: HELL YES many times. im a bad girl heh
(117) Met a famous person?: nope
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: nope
(146) Stolen anything?: yes im now a pro at it. but I stoped doing that
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: nope
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: yup goodtimes
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: yes manytimes
(150) Considered religious vocation?: i dont think so
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: heh.. what sexual performance
(152) Bungee jumped?: yes if rip cord in Cedar point counts
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yea

CLOTHES and other fashion
(154) Shoe brand?: skeachers,Adidas
(155) Brand of clothing?: hollister,express, only the good stuff that look good on me.
(156) Cologne/perfume?: cool water,tommy girl my favs
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: my work uniform and jeans.
(159) Wear hats?: yup
(161) Wear make-up?: yes
(162) Favorite place to shop?: alot of places but I like hollister and express
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: my fancy chamncy expensive blouses. and limited edition pants.
(164) Are you trendy?: in a way yes
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: I have before I looked pretty good in it also.

BELIEFS
(166) Believe in life on other planets?: yeah if earth was the only planet it would be alot of waste of space dont you think.
(167) Miracles?: yes i do
(168) Astrology?: a bit
(169) Magic?: not really
(170) God?: yes
(171) Satan?: yes
(172) Santa?: no..but those were the days..
(173) Ghosts?: yes
(174) Luck?: yes
(175) Love at first sight?: yes
(176) Yin and Yang?: i guess
(177) Witches?: yea kinda
(178) Easter bunny?: nope
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: if you truely love the person yes I do.
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: that would be awesome
(181) Do you wish on stars?: all the time

LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: mmm kinda
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yes
(184) Still love him/her?: yes
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: love is never a mistake
(186) What do you find romantic?: checking in coming to vi
(187) Turn-on?: nice eyes, sweetness, honesty, someone iam attracted to.
(188) Turn-off?: cockyness high egos, jerks,bitches and whores, consided people
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: no
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: i would be there freind
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: I would prefer to know them first
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: doesnt matter..im too shy to do it
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: naaaa
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: yup some do some dont.
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: guys are such perves.
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: there stupid.. Same sex- the pms too and they are perves
(207) What's the last present someone gave you? sadly I think I dont remember I guess its been a while. but I have to say the best gigt anyone ever gave me is there friendship:-)
(208) Are you in love?: not right now
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: dont have one
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: stop look and then move on os and maybe give a little wink heh

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: you know who you are you sick fuck.
(212) You wanted to kill?: lisa but I did notdeserve it damnit.
(213) That you laughed at?: danielle
(214) That laughed at you?: emily
(215) That turned you on?: def kristen
(216) You went shopping with?: jess
(217) That broke your heart?: no comment
(218) To disappoint you?: krysta
(219) To ask you out?: this guy named melvin!!!
(220) To make you cry?: lisa
(221) To brighten up your day?: lauren
(222) That you thought about?: krysta
(223) You saw a movie with?: kim
(224) You talked to on the phone?: susan
(225) You talked to through IM?: susan,lindesey,kim,nick,and some bitch that I would just love to hurt.
(226) You saw?: my mom
(227) You lost?: krysta
(229) You thought was completely insane?: lisa
(230) You wanted to be?: me 2years ago
(231) You told off?: lisa
(232) You trusted?: susan
(233) You turned down?: I forget

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: 2days ago
(235) Laughed?: yesterday
(236) Cried?: 3 or 2 days ago
(237) Bought something?: today
(238) Danced?: dont know
(239) Were sarcastic?: im always sarcastic
(240) hugged someone?: today
(241) Talked to an ex?: that has been a while
(242) Watched your fave movie?: about a week ago
(243) Had a nightmare?: lastnight
(245) Talked on the phone?: yesterday
(246) Listened to the radio?: in the car a little while ago
(247) Watched TV?: few hours ago
(248) Went out?: lastnight to cold to go anywhere today
(249) Helped someone?: I help tomany people
(250) Were mean?: im never mean
(251) Sang?: when I have my headphones on any im online
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: 3weeks ago or so
(253) Said "I love you"?: wow well I saw I love you to my friends like all the time. but a real I love you that has been a while
(254) Missed someone?: now
(255) Fought with a family member?: everynight and everyday
(256) Fought with a friend?: 2days ago
(257) Had a serious conversation?: hmmmmm lastnight with my good friend susan
(258) Got drunk?: a month ago maybe
(259) Had sex?: im a virgin
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"One's best friend is oneself." [Nov. 21st, 2004|04:44 pm]
[mood | I need a cigarette]
[music |STRAYLIGHT RUN It's For the Best]

HI just thought that I should update. I have been feeling so weird lately kind of like im not myself. ive been kinda having that fuck everybody attude. you know there are some people that realy dissapoint me sometimes. you can buy them things take them out to eat. hangout with them all the time be there for them. forgive them if they piss you off or if they wronged you in anyway. HELL you can even give someone a gold necklace for a graduation gift. opps I already did that but I have learned no matter how nice and sweet you are EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINKS ABOUT #1 except for me that is I always thought of others before I thought of myself first. well not always but alot of the time yes I did. I hate this feeling I have right now. the feeling that I think everyone is useing me. maybe I should get a little tougher. it doesnt mean im getting mean or anything. its just im getting sick of people walking all over me. maybe I should think about #1 for a change. anyone who doesnt want to talk to me or think there better than me. FUCKYOU all. you people are nothing but fake friends. and I dont need any fake friends in mylife. but someday you are going to look back on what you did. and your gonna say to your self what the hell have I done? you are going to realize that you made a mistake. I dont know when it could be tomorrow a year from now who nows. but yull see dont say I didnt tell you so. even if you do come to your sencess. I would forgive you but I would want nothing to do with you. anyways on another note I saw the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind" I didnt think that I would enjoy it as much as I did. but I realy liked it. it was a very intresting movie. the best movie Kate Winslet did ever sence titanic. finally she got a good movie role eversence that titanic movie!! and she was hot in the movie I loved her hair hair!! and for Jim Carry. it was such a differnt movie role for him. but he did an awesom job. I give this movie 2 thumps way up!!! anways ive been working like every morning. im official the morning girl. except for mondays for some reason. my body hurts like hell I feel like and sudden movemets I make I could break! or something will. im 19years old I feel like im 50 sometimes. or atleast my body does. I was supposed to visit my old friend susan today. we grew up together in the old neighborhood where I used to live. weve been friends for such a long time. but when I moved here we tryed to keep in touch. but I guess it wasnt the same. I havnt talked to her for like a year or so. yes I feel bad about that but that was around the time I was going threw a whole bunch of shit I dont even wanna get into right now. so like a week ago I was just thinking. who has been a good friend to me a loyal friend one who I can always rely on and trust. first person I thought of was susan. so I sucked it up and I gave her a call. she was soooo happy to hear from me. she even asked me why I didnt call before and shit. so I told her everything that went down in this year and a half we have not talked. she was in shock and suprized. weve been talking ever sence then. I guess you know who your real friends are in the end. "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"Give others freedom to be themselves. Appreciate the differences between their ways an yours."
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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2004|10:09 pm]
[mood | sore]

WHAT A NIGHT AND AND WHAT A DAY AND THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY.
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I NEED A SIGN THAT YOU ARE THERE... [Nov. 14th, 2004|07:11 pm]
[mood | aggravated]
[music |yellow card]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE OH GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYY JUST TELL ME PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? CAUSE I KNOW IM NOT DOING THIS TO MYSELF. JUST GIVE ME A BREAK THATS ALL I WANT IS A FUCKEN BREAK. WHY DOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SOMETHING. IM TRYING SOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKEN HARD TO KEEP MY SANITY AND NOT LOSE MY MIND. BUT ALL I KNOW IF I STAY HERE I WILL MOST DEFENTLY END UP DEAD. IM TELLING YA MAN THIS PLACE IS GONNA GET THE BEST OF ME. I DONT WANT TO HURT MYSELF. I DONT WANT TO RELAPSE. I DONT WANT TO FUCKEN DIE. I TOOK MY BROTHERS CAR THIS MORNING I DROVE AROUND FOR 3HOURS. I DONT KNOW WHY I JUST NEEDED TO THINK. BUT ALL I DID WAS DRIVE. LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER I DID NOT FIND. SO I CRANKED UP THE FUCKING MUSIC. AND I YELLED AND SCREAMED MY FUCKING HEART OUT. I YELLED OUT MY ANGER. I YELLED AND CURSED SO MUCH THAT I STARTED TO CRY. BUT I GUESS ITS BETTER THAN THE SHIT I USED TO DO. AND WILL NEVER EVER DO AGAIN. CAUSE IM A FIGHTER GOD DAMNIT. IF I GET CAN GET THREW THE SHIT I WENT THREW AND STILL BE ALIVE. I CAN FUCKEN GET THREW ANYTHING. ITS GONNA TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO TAKE ME DOWN. WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS? I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOO MUCH YOU HAVE KNOW IDEA HOW MUCH ALL MY FRIENDS MEAN TO ME. BUT IF YOU ARE OUT THERE AND YOU STILL CARE ABOUT ME. I NEED YOU GUYS NOW MORE THAN EVER. IF ANY OF MY FRIENDS NEEDED ME I WOULD BE THERE IN A FUCKEN HEART BEAT. BUT YANNO I STILL HAVE HOPE. THERE HAS TO BE SOME GOOD OUT THERE IN THIS CRAZY FUCKED UP WORLD. ISNT THERE?

If you fail to control the events in your life, the events in your life will control you.
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2004|08:51 am]
[mood | cold]
[music |snow patrol grazed knees]

STEAL THIS IF YOU WANT BUT YOU CANT HAVE IT WITHOUT COMMENTING!!!

1. First name: Amy
2. Were you named after anyone? just myself
3. Do you wish on stars? all the time
4. When did you last cry? 3days ago
5. Do you like your handwriting?nope
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?turkey
7. What is your birth date? 5/8/85
8. What is your most embarrassing CD?backstreet boys How about a
tape? Nsyny
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends
with that person? yeah
10. Are you a daredevil? HELL YEAH
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to
tell? yean:(
12. Do looks matter? only if im dating the person
13. How do you release anger? I yell swear and break things
14. Where is your second home? work cause im always there
15. Do you trust others easily? nope
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? toy guitar
17. What class in high school do you think was
totally useless? physics
18. Do you have a journal? sure do
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? thats all I use!
20. Favo oops, i deleted too much of the ? dont know
21. If you could have any profession what would it
be? FBI agent
22. What are your nicknames? at work they call me skippper!! or AJ thats my first and last name inatials
23. Would you bungee jump? in a heart beat
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? nope
25. Do you think that you are strong? depends what you mean by srong im very strong mentaly and physicaly
26. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? cookies "N" cream
27. Shoe size? 8 1/2
28. What are your favorite colors? black and grey
29. What is your least favorite thing about
yourself? I hate it when I do stupid shit and annoy and upset my friends
30. Whom do you miss most? my friend krysta:(
31. Do you want everyone you send this to send it
back? sure
32. What color underwear are you wearing? grey
33. What are you listening to right now? snow patrol
34. Last thing you ate? donuts
35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? black
36.What is the weather like right now? cold im frezzing my ass off
37. Last person you talked to on the phone? john
38. The first thing you notice about the opposite
sex? there smile
39. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yeah
40.How are you today?could be better but im not complaining
42. Favorite sport? boxing
43. Hair color? black
45. Eye color? brown
46. Do you wear contacts? nope
47. Favorite food? theres soooo much
48. Last movie you watched? THIRTEEN
49. Favorite day of the year? holloween
50. Scary movies or happy endings? scary movies there are no happy endings.
51. Summer or winter? summer
52. Hugs or kisses? hmmmm kisses but i love hugs from my friends
53. Who is most likely to respond? jessica
54. Who is least likely to respond? kayla
55. What book(s) are you reading? none
56. What's on your mouse pad? its just a boring blue
57. What did you watch last night on TV? the OC
58. Favorite smell(s)? cool water perfuem for women
59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
60. Do you believe in evolution or creationism? evolution
61. What's the furthest you've been from home? middle east.
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2004|10:06 am]
[mood | blah]
[music |straylight run Another word for desperate]

Im soooooooo tired and bored. ive been feeling just so weird lately. its hard to explain. I need some serious help my parents keep yelling at me and bitching at me cause they want me to live with this guy and go with him when he comes here. I realy just dont know what to do about that. im soooooooo scard about whats gonna happen when he comes here. its either I go with him and I would be living a lie. or I end up in the streets or dead. damn this is not good. I need to find a place to live and I need to do that fast. but im not rich yanno I pay bills here. not only that im also used to this neighborhood all my friends live around here. and I hate asking my friends if I could live with them it just doesnt seem right. and I hate asking people that kind of stuff. I just dont know what to do. im not deppresed im not gonna relapse im not gonna try to kill myself. I just feel sad im only human yanno. im upset cause these are the cards that I was drawn. but you have know idea how much iam trying to stay strong and not lose it. ever sence I recovered ive been thinking alot more postive. thinking I can do anything if I just put my mind to it. but this is beyound my control. it realy is not in my hands. im not gonna lie everything that has happend to me made me lose alot of faith and stop believing in god. cause I have prayed before and asked for gods help. but I was ignored and my prayers were not answered. if I recovered I did that on my own and from the help of my friends that did not give up on me. and if god did help in my recovery. well it took you a while. lets try this again. god if you are out there. please help me I need you now more then ever. dont let me live with this man I dont love. I dont want to be married I dont want kids. PLEASEEEEEE GOD IM LIKE BEGGING YOU HERE all I want is this one thing not to be married and to have my own place. and ill be good I promise. hey im not that bad I think im a decent human. I just need to get out of here. GOD I STILL BELIVE IN YOU...

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
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(no subject) [Nov. 11th, 2004|12:52 pm]
[mood | sick]
[music |snow patrol chocolate]

I dont feel good:( my throat hurts im snezzing and coughing. I think I have a cold. geee I wonder why I have a fucken cold.... does anyone know? hmmmmmm thinking thinking ummmm I think I got it. nope that cant be it. well im not sure how I could have possible gotten sick. unless I walked in the cold last night. BINGO YATZIE DING DING DING I think thats it. even though I walked I still got my pride god damnit.
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(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2004|11:10 pm]
[mood | drunk]
[music |straylight run cd]

Tonight was intresting... im having some problems nooooo im not relapsing or cutting or dieing. im just confused. I have a problem that not alot of people know about. my parents want me to get married to a guy I barely know. and I dont want to get married. im not the married type you know. and this guy is like 31 and im only 19:( im not ready for this shit nor do I need it. hes supposed to come here in like 2weeks and if I dont go with him they are going to kick me out:( like I always say yo theres always something. but im ok atleast I hope iam. hopefully this doesnt end up bad. even though I think it will. but there is one thing I know is that there is know way in hell that I will go with this guy. I would rather die then spend the rest of my life with someone I dont love. not only that he is like 12 years older than me. and hes not my type. and this is just not what I cant. oh well im gonna stop crying now.

on another note I realy wish that my friends were more understanding. I wish I could talk to them about how I feel. but I cant. I guess they just dont know how I feel cause they have never been in that sittation.
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2004|12:31 am]
[mood | happy]
[music |snow patrol run]

OMG this is horrible terrible this is the worst thing ever. I tryed on my size 2 pants yesterday and they were tight:( so what did I do I went and I ate a couple dounuts!!!!! HA man I dont give a shit I could care less. do you know whay because iam happy:) I havnt been this happy in soooooo long I feel great like nothing could let me down. recovering from my eating disorder is the best thing I could have done. yaaaaa I did it I recovered. and im happy when I had and eating disorder I was deppresed and sad all the time. but I feel good now. hell I feel fucken great I couldnt be happyer. im not even taking any drugs and I feeling good!!! I still cant belive I made it this far and recovered. I think im strong and im a fighter. and hopefully people can learn a thing or two from me ya know. if I made it this far and recovered anyone can. but anyways I went to the docters the other day. my last docters visit. and he took me off my meds he says that im doing realy good and I know longer need to stay on them. yaaaaaa I think thats cool that he took me off my meds im glad that he did I didnt want to stay on them for the rest of my life. lets see im recovered from my eating disorder I dont cut anymore im not suicdal anymore. I have good friends a good paying job. im doing awesom. my family still sucks but what can ya do ya know you cant have it all. but im trying not to let that get to me cause I dont think its wort it. its not worth me getting mad over and its not worth my health getting all fucked up. I think its over and im glad it is. but I must say it was a very intresiting chapter in my life. now we will see what the next chapter has installed for me... dun dun dun!!

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

"So I don't tend to care about the things that other people say. And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way. Call me crazy but it really doesn't matter."
link9 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2004|12:54 am]
[mood | nauseated]
[music |straylght run now its done]

toomuchdrama7380 is me xbitter denialx is my sick friend lisa. why she is sick you are about to find out!!! just though I would post this cause it made me sick and I thought it was funny in a sick way! it was a while ago but not that long ago I saved it. why I saved it till this day I dont realy know!!!

WARNING WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ MAY MAKE YOU SICK TO YOUR STOMACHE. NOT SUITABLE FOR AGES 17 AND YOUNGER.


Toomuchdrama7380: this computer is gonna die because im going to kill it
Toomuchdrama7380: so whats wrong with u your not tired
xbitter denialx: nah not really
Toomuchdrama7380: it doesnt even make that noise when i IM ppl or when u IM me
Toomuchdrama7380: do u know what noise im talking about
xbitter denialx: yeah
Toomuchdrama7380: nothing but silence and a static sound i think its gonna explode!!
xbitter denialx: lol nice
Toomuchdrama7380: no not nice i cant live without the internet
xbitter denialx: cry me a river
Toomuchdrama7380: no its cry me a fucken river get it right damenit!!!
xbitter denialx: okay, its cry me a river. i started saying that before you did, so suck my cock
Toomuchdrama7380: hey i can say it if i want u didnt invented so suck my dick
xbitter denialx: wow, you're so original. cunt muncher
Toomuchdrama7380: hey i was just wondering how does it feel to lick carpet!!!
xbitter denialx: you are beyond stupid
xbitter denialx: muff diver
Toomuchdrama7380: haha
xbitter denialx: muffy the mouse!
Toomuchdrama7380: go lick your pussy CAT
xbitter denialx: suck my dick and choke on it bitch
Toomuchdrama7380: only if u insest
xbitter denialx: shut up or i'm gonna stab you in the eye with lauren's freakishly large penis
Toomuchdrama7380: ouch that sounds painfull
Toomuchdrama7380: dame i couldnt come up with anything but i will
xbitter denialx: DAMN
xbitter denialx: go back to grammar school
Toomuchdrama7380: i dont wanna u go back
xbitter denialx: i'm not the one who can't spell, hoe
Toomuchdrama7380: i can spell if i wanna but i dont feel like it i think by now u should understand what im saying or i should say trying to say
xbitter denialx: yeah but its annoying
Toomuchdrama7380: i like to annoy u it gives me joy
xbitter denialx: rug munching bitch whore :-)
Toomuchdrama7380: and u say that with a smile on your face im gonna get u back so bad just give me a min to think
xbitter denialx: cum guzzling cock sucker
Toomuchdrama7380: that is grose yo
xbitter denialx: sure is
xbitter denialx: i suck lauren's big cock every night.
Toomuchdrama7380: do u realy shes not even in michigan
xbitter denialx: its that big that she can just swing it over here and i suck her off every night
Toomuchdrama7380: haha i think u still like this girl
xbitter denialx: lol no actually i dont. shes my best friend.
xbitter denialx: i do however, love her big juicy cock.
Toomuchdrama7380: she does not have a cock
xbitter denialx: it slides in my window every night and i swirl my tongue around it and suck on it and nibble a bit. then she cums in my mouth and i guzzle it down like water.
xbitter denialx: there is nothing more thirst quenching than lauren's salty cum
xbitter denialx: sometimes, right after i suck her off, i run back 20 ft. and it shoots out into my mouth .. each time i run back further just to see how far it can shoot.
Toomuchdrama7380: for some sick reason im only a little bit grosed out
xbitter denialx: once tho, she got me in the eye so i just wiped it off with my finger and then licked it right off
Toomuchdrama7380: r u fucking with me lisa
xbitter denialx: no, i'm serious. i secretly love the cock. but only lauren's. because hers is just so big and delicious.
xbitter denialx: i paid for half of her operation.
Toomuchdrama7380: she doesnt have a cock cause she is a girl or at least i hope she is
xbitter denialx: so i paid her money to have it doen and she lets me suck her off every night
Toomuchdrama7380: she had an operation
xbitter denialx: yeah
Toomuchdrama7380: now your just flat out lyeing
xbitter denialx: no, she really did.
Toomuchdrama7380: haha comeon u r such a liar
xbitter denialx: sometimes, i have her cum into a bucket...then i poor it in a milk carton and save it for dinner.
xbitter denialx: i mix it in with my easy mac..
xbitter denialx: or my cereal
Toomuchdrama7380: ok that is just wrong
xbitter denialx: actually, no it tastes great and i get lots of protein
xbitter denialx: one time, my mom mistook the cum for the milk...i didnt have the heart to tell her she just ate cum with her oatmeal
Toomuchdrama7380: i had a twizzler in my mouth and i just looked at it and took it out excuse while i go vomit
xbitter denialx: next time, i'll pour some in a bottle for you and let you try it.
xbitter denialx: after that, you'll be hooked.
Toomuchdrama7380: ummmmm no i dont think i will ever be hooked
xbitter denialx: it tastes especially good with lucky charms
xbitter denialx: i put it in everything really.
xbitter denialx: i just can't get enough of lauren's huge cock
Toomuchdrama7380: i may never eat cerial or milk again as long as i live
xbitter denialx: oh cum on
xbitter denialx: its really good
xbitter denialx: i promise
xbitter denialx: just try it
Toomuchdrama7380: ok lisa shut up now b4 i *cum* to your house right now and kick your ass
xbitter denialx: thats alright, you can pick your bottle of cum while you're here
xbitter denialx: lauren had twinkies today so it should be extra sweet
Toomuchdrama7380: just tell me what kind of drugs u r on so i can maybe find u some help
xbitter denialx: cum is all i need
xbitter denialx: its what i live for
xbitter denialx: i'm trying to stock up on enough to bathe in it
xbitter denialx: i just want to rub my body down with milky white cum
Toomuchdrama7380: OH FUCK 4 SHIT SACK MENTAL FUCKEN PICTURE GET IT OUT GET IT OUT !!!
xbitter denialx: mm...sweet, milky white cum
xbitter denialx: breakfast, lunch and dinner
xbitter denialx: its all i eat
xbitter denialx: breathe
xbitter denialx: no really tho, one time i got it up my nose
Toomuchdrama7380: IM TRYING TO SHUT MY EYES BUT IT WONT GOAWAY THANKS ALOT 4 TRAMITIZING ME
xbitter denialx: whats wrong with my cum fetish?
Toomuchdrama7380: DO U REALY HAVE ONE OR R U JUST FUCKING WITH ME JUST TELL THE TRUTH
xbitter denialx: only with lauren
Toomuchdrama7380: I DONT THINK SHE HAS A COCK
xbitter denialx: i love to drink her little spermies
xbitter denialx: i can feel them swimming around in my mouth
xbitter denialx: one time, i got one stuck in my teeth
Toomuchdrama7380: IM GONNA CALL U AND YELL AT U IF I CAN
xbitter denialx: can't
Toomuchdrama7380: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP LISA 4 SHIT SACK
xbitter denialx: i'm about to go suck off lauren
Toomuchdrama7380: Y
Toomuchdrama7380: U R A SICK LITTLE LIZBO AINT YA
xbitter denialx: lmao
xbitter denialx: no not really. i mean, i dont know where i came up with all that but it was amusing to make you sick to your stomach.
Toomuchdrama7380: SO ALL OF IT WAS NOT TRUE
xbitter denialx: lmao hell no. its physically impossible homie.
Toomuchdrama7380: THANK GOD THANK YOU JESUS
xbitter denialx: hahaha
Toomuchdrama7380: HOW COULD U EVEN STAND SAYING THAT SHIT
xbitter denialx: but i gotta go
xbitter denialx: ttyl
xbitter denialx is away at 4:14:09 AM.
Toomuchdrama7380: ALRIGHT
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TRUE STORY [Nov. 7th, 2004|07:24 am]
[mood | touched]
[music |yellow card albums]

My friend just told me this story is so sad and sweet in a romatic way. but still very sad I want to share it with you. cause it realy made me think. that you never know whats gonna happen to you at any given moment ya know. and that there realy is some good in the world.

A girl and guy were speeding on a motorcycle, and the girl kept saying "slow down, i'm scared." the guy said "fine, but tell me you love me first." so the girl says "fine, i love you, please slow down." then he says "now give me a big hug", and she hugs him. then the guy says "hun, can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself, its buggin me." The next day, the newspaper told of a motorcyle that crashed into a building after the brakes failed. One person of the two survived. The truth was while driving down the road, the guy realized that his brakes had failed but he didn't want to let her know, so he had her say she loved him and let her hug him one last time, then had her put on his helmet so that she would live, knowing he would probably die.:(


"L-land of sorrow
O-ocean of tears
V-voice of heart beats
E-end of life"

"Love is like a cigarette that starts with flashes and ends with ashes."

"Love is a road on which you drive blind at 140 mph until you hit that brick wall."

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

"Love is being with someone and knowing that you could die tomorrow and it would be OK."

<3
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(no subject) [Nov. 7th, 2004|04:56 am]
[mood | calm]
[music |snow patrol grazed knees]

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad
but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.
Always remember to forget the friends that proved untrue
but never forget to remember those that have stuck by you.
Always remember to forget the troubles that passed away
but never forget to remember the blessings that come each day.

just thought I would post that cause I like it. oh and sorry if I spelled some words wrong on my last entree. I just woke up when I wrote that. but those of you who understand me should understand what the hell im saying!! or atleast what im trying to say!!!
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(no subject) [Nov. 7th, 2004|04:13 am]
[mood | lazy]
[music |snow patrol run]

oh man I was soooo tired yesterday. I was did something stupid and I accicently deleted all my buddys on my buddy list. when that happend I kinda just froze there for a minute. cause I have 200 buddy on my buddy list. I tryed to get them back but nothing was working. so I called lisa and asked her what to do she said the only way I can get it back if I just randomly decided to save my buddy list. so I was like hmmmm and I just remembered when john came to fix my computer he saved my buddy list. so I checked it out and there it was. sigh of relief. then I called john just to tell him that I loved him cause if it wasnt for him all my buddys would be deleted!!! he was walking home from school and we kept talking till he got to my house. hes broke and he has no cigarettes. so we went to the store and I bought him some smokes as always. I walked him home then I went back to my house talked to kayla on the phone. the went online for a little bit then I told who ever I was talking to online that I had to go to work. but before I went to work I layed down and I just like past out. so I fell asleep and I didnt go to work. thats never a good thing thats usally not like me. thats the first time I slept in and not went to work. I like woke up 2 hours ago and now im just eating candy bars and drinking coffee. tomorrow or I should say today is payday. thats my favorite day!

how about a quote...

Ignore the awful times, and concentrate on the good ones.
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